So much and so little have happened since my last post, which was on my son's 26th birthday. Still haven't seen him to hug him, talked to him on the day after his birthday and he was just spouting out more riddles and jibberish. I started talking about my stuff, my business and what I have been up to, and pretty soon he had to go, which was okay, too.
I've been being careful, sometimes too much so. I caught myself last weekend trying to put back some items that I had picked out in a store. I was with a friend, and I started deliberating about these items, when it came to me....I was worrying about spending money for something for myself....like I did BEFORE!!! It freaked me out to realize that, too! Because I've gotten too comfortable, or lazy, or something....all the red flags that I have in place....and there was no warning this time! Usually anything in any way that could be construed as from BEFORE....brings on that 'danger Will Robinson' (from 'Lost in Space') in my head, warning me that I had to be vigilant and not allow whatever to revert back to BEFORE.
So I caught myself and chastised myself and told my friend not to let me do that, and if she was with me and I started doing that, feeling guilty for wanting or even needing something, she needed to give me a little slap and WAKE MY ASS UP and remind me how I got dead and why I got dead!
Needless to say, I purchased the items and ignored my elevated heart rate when I pulled them out of the bag, because it is my right to have things. I am worthy!
I have been trying to reinstall the red flags that were out of order....maybe they ran out of batteries....it was a long and tiring weekend and week and weekend again.
If you need any red flags, get them, use them, stay out of danger....don't get too comfortable to remember why! Whatever your 'why' happens to be.
I will tackle another post tomorrow...till then I bid you peace!