Monday, June 24, 2013

...Then the Tree House Was Full...

I am home now, and wanted to let you know about the second week in the tree completely different from the first, yet full of lessons and opportunities for loving-kindness.
So after a week of solitude, with only a couple of trips to 'town', my friends returned from their vacation on Friday night.  About twenty minutes later, the van full of travelers returning from Germany via Newark also arrived.  So where there had been me....there were seven people. But it was okay, other than there being times of too many in a room, mostly we were able to distribute ourselves around the place without issue.  The mother-in-law went home on Saturday morning, leaving my friend's sister and her two youngest sons, 11 and 13.  Now she is also a soul sister and soul family member to me, so it was great to spend time with her.
And she had much to teach me...she was facing the first anniversary of her husband's death (which she made it through with flying colors earlier this week), and not sure how she wanted to be, where she wanted to be, who she wanted to be with.  We talked alot about life and death, and i finally told her my whole story, and how it made me feel, knowing that i had wanted so desperately to die, and how her husband had wanted so desperately to live.  She made me feel so humble and strong at the same time.  She is working so hard to be all things to her boys and keep herself together too.  It was good to see her let herself have fun and laugh with us and just be.  I think after the trip, and all of the mix of personalities involved, she needed the kind of downtime that she got at the tree house.  I made sure that she got alot of uninterrupted time with her sister, and so I got to spend some time with my soul brother.  I couldn't imagine not having him in my family.
So we spent the week shopping and feeding ourselves and each and love and unconditional was good.  I came home on Tuesday, driving all day through one rainstorm after another.  It was exhausting and I was so very glad when I made it home.  I miss my friends already...we are so connected and it is hard to be so far from them.  but it is good...I love my home and was glad to get back...I have much to do, to get ready for some upcoming events where I will be selling my art.
I am quietly inspired by my experiences while away....I will weave that into all that I do as I journey through this world this week....I hope you have someone or something that inspires you and helps to keep you going...if you don't, try to find it, as it will make a huge difference in your sense of yourself and your wellbeing....much peace to you...

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

In a Place Full of Muses

I can completely compare and contrast my last post's subject:  being in my old home and realizing that there is nothing of me left there, and being at my soul family's place in Virginia, where working and creating is effortless.
I came a long way just to pet sit Biker, my friends' dear pooch, who has terminal cancer.  She has already outlived all of the vet's predictions, and is such a little bundle of love and happiness.  I also have two kitties to take care of, but they are cats, and so they are cats and have their own ideas of how to spend their days and nights.  They are lovely, nonetheless.
So, I have worked blissfully every day that my friends have been gone.  I have gotten so much enjoyment from this work, and I think it shows in what I have created.  I plan to spend this evening making some kids' stuff, which is especially fun to me.
I have come to realize that my spirit knows what it wants, and how I carefully I should feed it to stay healthy.  I am learning to let go of those that would suck my soul dry if allowed.  I am learning to love myself, and like myself, and hopefully this will lead to a better quality of self-care than I have been able to provide myself. 
I know that I am not ever going to be cured of my issues...but I can live a productive and happy and generous life anyway.  I guess I am meant to carry my illnesses with me on the road of life.  I am going to encounter all kinds of people and obstacles and open doors and pain and joy.  Just like everybody else. 
It is hard to understand why the universe chooses for me to be motherless and to experience so much loss....but I know that I will gain a better understanding as time passes.  I feel like a poster child for heartbreak. I don't mean this in a negative way, even though it sounds so.  I mean that I am learning that there is nothing to be done but be thankful for whatever blessing allowed me to share my life with something or someone at all, and to keep going....pain is just part of the package.  And if the only way to not experience this pain is to never share my life or myself or love something or someone, well, I choose to have loved, to have shared, to have experienced. 
I guess my point is that we don't always get to choose, and if we attempt to do something when all signs are blaring "NO", "STOP", then we are fucked.  just that simple.
But I am going to spend my time on top of this mountain in as blissful a frame of mind as I can conjure....not hard to do, as long as I keep myself here in the moment.  I will hang with Biker and sew and let the creativity flow through me and into my work.  I am blessed with this gift...and I will share it....
There is always a line at the rainbow bridge, as our four-legged soul family members take their turn to cross over.  I wish them godspeed...and an eternity free from lack and hate and cruelty and pain. 
And for you, hold your friends close, and tell them you love them every is just a little thing that is such a big is life...