Thursday, February 14, 2013

Somebody Cares...

Just a quick post...wanted to share my experience with you.  Yesterday I called the local mental health center, where they help you find out what to do next, literally.  I was calling to find out how to get help with finding a way to get my meds...I was getting monthly scripts from my private psychiatrist, at the tune of $110.00 for a 20 minute visit....meds management, they call it.  I cannot afford that in a post-husband, post-insurance, post-husband being employed world. 
So I gave the nice woman that answered all of the information about myself that she requested, and I have an appointment next week with an organization that helps people in my situation.
Here's the the end of our conversation, she asked me if I felt like I wanted to harm myself, and I replied, 'no, I don't think so, I think I'm okay' and she said that if I did that I could call her organization, that there are people there 24/7, and that I could go to another place in town that handles even walk-ins...that there is always somewhere to go and someone to help....I just started crying...when I could get words out again I told her I was just so floored to know that I wasn't alone, that there was help for me if I needed it, that I hadn't expected such thoughtfulness.  She was so nice, reassuring me all the way to our final goodbye. 
So I felt compelled to post about this share with let you know that no matter what you might think, you are not alone, and there is help out there...somebody cares  ...

Monday, February 11, 2013

Waking Up....

I admit that I have been reluctant to blog due to my only computer being an e-book...but I am getting used to the keyboard and feel better about trying to type on such a tiny thing.  Of course, I want to touch the screen and make magic happen, like on my smart phone, but I have to type, so I will!
I don't even know where to begin...I just reread my last blog entry, and it was definitely a harbinger of things to come.  I finally found the courage to leave my husband of 29 years, although I considered myself unmarried from the time I woke up in the hospital post-suicide.  I am doing very well, and I realize that I have mourned the end of this marriage for years now, which I attribute to why I feel as I do.  I feel sad for my husband, but it was way past time for me to go.  I know that somewhere inside himself he knows that, too.  I left on January 28th.  I have since found a place to live, purely by serendipity, with an old and dear friend who I haven't had much contact with over the past few years, as we have both been going through our own dramas.  /She has grown and changed, as I have grown and changed, and she is helping me so much more than she could ever me a place to land, my own space, and as much nurturing as I need.  It is a miracle to me just to be here!  I feel so very blessed!
Now, my husband, he has had a hard time dealing with how my leaving has called on him to grow up for himself, finally...he was complaining about this last Wednesday, when I met him for dinner....well, the universe, it doesn't like to be dismissed when it is trying to help on Friday he lost his explanation, nothing... a big kick in the ass by the universe....
I have suffered the ass-kickings myself and my advice to him is to shut up and listen to what the world is trying to tell you!  I know I have worked hard to hear what the universe is trying to tell me...I understand that there are consequences for lack of attention!
I am actually in a position at the moment where his issues don't have to directly affect me...and I am cautious as to how and what I offer him...I don't want my issues to affect him, either. 
I watch, I listen, I keep my ear to the ground, and my head out of the clouds.....cautious! 
I am settling in to my new place, trying to get back to work, as the months are rolling by and I need to get some inventory built up.  I have had some opportunities appear on my horizon, and I will be exploring them very soon.  I have had to do alot of growing up and settling down and figuring out here in the last few weeks, so now I cautiously proceed...I feel peaceful, in spite of the turmoil that would latch on to me if I let it.  It is not my turmoil to least it doesn't seem to be...I will keep seeking the peaceful and the do the same!