Monday, June 22, 2015

We Made It!

As promised, I want to let you know that we are safe and sound in North Carolina.   We arrived on Thursday, and it has been an emotional weekend, as my mom has opened her small home to the three of us, and we have all been learning about each other and ourselves.  
My mom and I have had several important conversations, and I feel like our new relationship is going to be a special and dear one.   I feel very blessed to have this opportunity, and I've come to understand that this relationship is also a part of my do-over, and I am so happy to get to share this with my mom.  I also know how hard it is for her, since she is used to living alone, to have such disarray in her home.   But I feel that we have come so far in these few days toward developing a healthy relationship.  I also see the building of healthy relationships between my beloved and my mom, between my beloved and his daughter, between my mom and my beloved's daughter, and between my 'daughter' and myself.  Oh, and the relationship between my beloved and myself is certainly strengthened by all that we've been through on our trip, and all that goes along with building new relationships.
So we are here. ...we are almost broke but I am not going to let it get to me. ...I know that we'll be alright.
I have to get ready for my disability hearing. ...another thing I know I have to stay positive about.   This is hard for me, but I am going to trust in the Universe that things will happen as they should.
The amazing S Solution knocking on the doors of doubt and fear inside me.  I feel hopeful and alive, and I am really proud of myself.  I cry easily right now, but the tears are of joy and amazement and relief.  I feel washed clean. ...I went outside last night, as it is Summer Solstice, and thanked the Universe for all that I have ....and envisioned all of the wonderful things ahead of me, and it felt good. ...really good! 
I am alive!  I want to stay that way, too!
This is a really good thing!
I wish everyone a happy Solstice and I hope that you are able to embrace the changes and chances that await you. ...may you see the good. ...and let go of what no longer serves you. is time. ...namaste.

Thursday, June 11, 2015

Check It Out!

I just wanted to take a few minutes to update.   We're still in the process of packing and purging. ...we head out for the east coast on Monday morning.
Now, through all of this hoopla, and the sheer exhaustion of packing, shuffling, loading and unloading donations, arranging for pickup of larger donations, and dealing with the ups and downs of teen angst, among other emotional displays and discussions, I have had no desire to pull out the S Solution.   I can't begin to explain how happy this makes me feel. ...I'm not worried about dying. ...I truly want to live this done-over life of mine.  
I will be thinking of you,  my dear readers, while traveling across almost 2000 miles next week.   I will be sure to check back in once we get there, too! Until then, I have more than a body, especially a pretty broken one, can deal with, so I won't likely be posting again until we've made our way to NC.
Until then, be happy....stay safe. ...know that you matter. ...and may peace be with you!  Namaste!

Tuesday, June 2, 2015


Hey there!  I guess I seem to have fallen and I couldn't get up!  No, nothing so serious here....just too much going on at once to have the luxury of doing just this!  Crazy!
Okay, here's the crazy....we're moving back to North Carolina in about 3 weeks or maybe a tad less....and so all of the things leading up to such a life-changing event and all of the stress and happiness involved....ugh!  It has been a strange time, and it has taken a great deal of patience; and still is, for that matter.
I have to say, though, that through all of this, I have had the 'S' solution pop into my head, and each time it has been simple to tell it to go back from whence it came....not interested in dying....I'm way more interested in FINALLY living!!!!
This is my do-over; and I am sharing it with my beloved, and we are moving one step closer to our dream lifestyle.  It is very exciting, indeed.  
Also, I FINALLY have a court date for my disability hearing....after waiting patiently (for the most part, anyway) for over two years.  So I would be traveling to NC anyway for the hearing, but given that our rent was going up here, and we haven't been doing anything but existing prior to any increase....we decided we may as well move now, while the moving is good, and get the teenager in a good school (she has been taking all of this very well, in spite of the fact that she'll be leaving her first beau!, so I'm really proud of our girl!), and us in an area so that our rent is basically cut in half, we will be among friends and family, and be able to enjoy the beach and the mountains and have something left over to have a able to go out to lunch....the little things!
So, I feel great....this is a big deal for me.... to FINALLY be able to conquer the idea of the 'S' Solution!  To feel able to move forward, truly toward even better things.  
I hope you were looking to be cheered up, since this is definitely an upbeat post. What can I say?  I'm happy!!  The family is happy!  I doubt that my ex is happy....I just emailed him today regarding our move, to let him know that I have no plans to ruin his life or bother him and that we'll be on the other side of the county from him.  He will have to deal with it!  It will be interesting, since I know of at least a couple of lies he has told our kids, and I will be around to defend myself from now on.  Maybe he'll move.  That would be okay.  But I honestly have nothing but good wishes for the man, even after everything.  I want nothing more than to see him find himself and find some happiness.  It just won't be with me!!
I shall go for now!  I will keep you posted....I have some packing to do!!  Namaste'!