Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Doctors....They Make You Want to Kill Yourself!

Yep!  Yesterday I went to meet the new GP that is taking over patients for my exiting GP.  I wish I could say that I like her, loved her, felt confident in her abilities to help me make wise health choices.
No...Not really!!!
She made me wait an hour and spent 8 minutes with me....during which time she 'examined' me (eyes, ears, throat with the light thing), went over my medications (which I had done with the nurse and hour before), asked why I saw a psychiatrist, which led to my suicide, which led to a lot of stupid questions that required (thankfully) one word answers.  She thought I should go to a pain doctor after I told her about my poor experiences with pain doctors...yes, really!
She offered me nothing, other than to call if I change my mind about the pain doctor, and to come back in oh, I don't know, three months....NO!
On the bright side, I did get my flu shot, which was one of my primary reasons for going in the first place.
So I am in the market for a new GP, if my rheumatologist feels that I need to have one.  I trust her, she is a real doctor, and I pray that she never lets the 'system' corrupt her into becoming a clock-watching, script-pandering, small-minded robot.
I am grateful for her, as well as my psychiatrist and therapists.  They never neglect to keep my best interests at the forefront of my treatment.
 It is hard enough to be a suicide survivor....I don't think it is a good idea to have a doctor that makes you want to kill yourself!
At least, at this point, I feel liberated from the 'system'...the 'system' has failed me too many times to count in the past year and a half.
It gives me a strange feeling of peace to know I don't have to go back there, where so many incompetent things transpired....so, like I've said before, don't settle for a doctor that isn't helping you or doesn't seem to be taking you down paths that are not in your best interest.  Doctors are as plentiful as lawyers these days, and you are the customer, you get to choose...otherwise you might as well go to your county health department...you will probably have better luck there!

Monday, November 5, 2012

Paying It Forward....

When i tried to kill myself and awoke a different version of myself, i had great support from certain people, who were there for me for whatever they could do to help.  It was good to know that i was not alone, and that i was loved and people were glad that i was still around.
I have a friend staying with me right now....she is bipolar and having trouble with her meds not helping and having to change meds, etc.  She called me last week to please come and see her, which i did, and i told her to pack up, that she would be coming home with me, that she can stay here until she feels ready to go back home.  She lives alone, except for her adorable dog, louie...and they are a part of my household now.  I am so glad to be able to help her, to be that friend, not for credit, but as a way to spread the love and light, and a way to give back to the universe for my good fortune, my mental stability, i could go on and on!
you may know someone that is in need of a hand, or a place to stay, or a loan, or some food....so many things that can be lacking and needed.  you have a choice....help however you can, without worrying about how it might make your life a little more difficult or less comfortable, or beg off, make excuses, simply ignore the cries for help.  It is really your choice, because if you can't help, can't sign on for the duration, then you probably should not.
When I was in the Psych ward and getting calls from friends and family daily, it meant everything to me to know that out there were people that loved me and would help me figure out what the hell happened.
But there were certain people who really let me down, blew me off, didn't want to stand by me because it didn't make them look good....if i had been diagnosed with cancer, they would have been right there, making a show of their support, instead of a show of support.  It damaged relationships, for sure.  I will never forget those people that showed me the love and those that made other choices.  And that is their right, their choice.
I choose to stand by my friend in this difficult time.  I choose to share the love, share whatever I have that she might need.  At first I worried that I was being a caretaker again, like what got me dead...but it isn't like that now,  it is just my compassion, healthy compassion, healthy is good...
Do what you can for who you can when you can....in such scary times as these, we can choose to be alone and aloof, or we can choose to open our hearts and hands and reach out....I know for me the more selfless i become the more the universe smiles upon me, and sends me the people who are supposed to touch my life and help me to continue to grow.  It is good....peace to you...