Tuesday, June 11, 2013

In a Place Full of Muses

I can completely compare and contrast my last post's subject:  being in my old home and realizing that there is nothing of me left there, and being at my soul family's place in Virginia, where working and creating is effortless.
I came a long way just to pet sit Biker, my friends' dear pooch, who has terminal cancer.  She has already outlived all of the vet's predictions, and is such a little bundle of love and happiness.  I also have two kitties to take care of, but they are cats, and so they are cats and have their own ideas of how to spend their days and nights.  They are lovely, nonetheless.
So, I have worked blissfully every day that my friends have been gone.  I have gotten so much enjoyment from this work, and I think it shows in what I have created.  I plan to spend this evening making some kids' stuff, which is especially fun to me.
I have come to realize that my spirit knows what it wants, and how I carefully I should feed it to stay healthy.  I am learning to let go of those that would suck my soul dry if allowed.  I am learning to love myself, and like myself, and hopefully this will lead to a better quality of self-care than I have been able to provide myself. 
I know that I am not ever going to be cured of my issues...but I can live a productive and happy and generous life anyway.  I guess I am meant to carry my illnesses with me on the road of life.  I am going to encounter all kinds of people and obstacles and open doors and pain and joy.  Just like everybody else. 
It is hard to understand why the universe chooses for me to be motherless and to experience so much loss....but I know that I will gain a better understanding as time passes.  I feel like a poster child for heartbreak. I don't mean this in a negative way, even though it sounds so.  I mean that I am learning that there is nothing to be done but be thankful for whatever blessing allowed me to share my life with something or someone at all, and to keep going....pain is just part of the package.  And if the only way to not experience this pain is to never share my life or myself or love something or someone, well, I choose to have loved, to have shared, to have experienced. 
I guess my point is that we don't always get to choose, and if we attempt to do something when all signs are blaring "NO", "STOP", then we are fucked.  just that simple.
But I am going to spend my time on top of this mountain in as blissful a frame of mind as I can conjure....not hard to do, as long as I keep myself here in the moment.  I will hang with Biker and sew and let the creativity flow through me and into my work.  I am blessed with this gift...and I will share it....
There is always a line at the rainbow bridge, as our four-legged soul family members take their turn to cross over.  I wish them godspeed...and an eternity free from lack and hate and cruelty and pain. 
And for you, hold your friends close, and tell them you love them every day....it is just a little thing that is such a big thing....it is life...

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