Yep! I want to thank you all for being there, wherever 'there' may be, and for reading my posts....especially when they are as strange (or not) as the last one. Actually, I just reread the post myself, and wanted to take the time to check in and post an update.
First of all, I am still alive and kicking, while not too high, mind you, but I'm kicking nonetheless. As a suicide survivor, I know that it means something to be alive each and every day. I know that getting past the idea, the 'S' solution, is always a victory in itself. And, yes, writing it, posting it, is probably one of the most therapeutic things I can do.
I think that having my youngest son here for a week and a half was also very helpful. He is very intuitive, and not afraid to tell it like it is. And as he and I talked about many of the issues that have been plaguing me, he gave me a great deal of insight and good, if unsolicited, advice.
Basically, he helped me to gain perspective on many things, such as that I am here to be parenting, like it or not. That it is up to me to be happy about it and to allow it be something to build relationships instead of ruin them. That this is where I belong, and that what I do is important and has meaning.
I also talked to him at length about my fibromyalgia and the disability issues, and I feel like he now understands exactly how debilitating my condition can be, and how it has affected my life decisions and my life in general; and then, of course, the financial aspects of being unable to 'get a job', and having to wait so long for the disability trial.
It was wonderful to have him here, and to watch as he became comfortable with my beloved and his daughter; they are all going to be able to be 'family', which makes me so very happy. I think we all got something special from our time together....priceless.
So, I just wanted to take the time to thank you, dear readers, for taking the time to read my words. I'll be back soon....I'm in the middle of editing photos for ebay and etsy and my other blog (GoodKharmaReThreads)....but I haven't forgotten about you....just trying to make ends meet, like everybody else I know. Peace to you....