Saturday, September 21, 2013

I've Been Away Too Long...

Wow!  I didn't even realize how long its been since I have posted anything.  I have been shuffling between my old home and my new home, and come to terms with all of the emotions that come with such constant the end, it is just about more growth.  Took me a while to find comfort in growing, rather than fear.
I have been growing and changing too fast for myself to fathom, I think.  That definitely has made me tentative about how and what to share about it all.  I am finally in a more peaceful place within myself.  But it has been a challenge to get here and stay here and be here.  I have been studying Buddhism a great deal and that has helped me keep getting back to the here and now and appreciate each moment, the easy and the not-so-easy ones.
I am in the process, still, of applying for disability benefits.  Nothing about this process makes a whole lot of sense.  I had to meet with an appointed psychiatrist, who rushed me through a series of ridiculous questions that I have no idea if I answered 'right' now I am waiting to find out if I will receive benefits or have to start the process over again, as most people are turned down the first time they apply.  In the meantime, I have had to depend on others to get me through financially, which is hard to have to do, when you know that others are having to sacrifice for you to survive.  I hope that this will be rectified soon, since my anxiety prevents me from working out in the world.
My art has evolved with me, and I don't know exactly where the path is leading me, but I am staying on it with faith that all things will be revealed (or not) at some point. The disillusionment with selling my fiber art had really brought me down....then the universe put a new opportunity in my path, a challenging opportunity, and I am working to steel myself to meet and exceed this challenge, and not become paralyzed.  I have suffered from artist's block and I am just trying to let myself unfold into the new work.  It seems that I have a million ways not to just 'get to it', and it is just another thing to overcome.
So I am here and I am trying and I will try harder to post more often.  Just wanted to let you know a little about where I've been and why you haven't heard from me....I'll be back soon, I promise....until then, keep peace in your heart and try to live each moment as much as you can...and thanks for being here to is good to know I am not alone.

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