I would like to say that I am found, but not sure that is the way I would put it. I am still here, and that is good. I have ridden out the storm of my depression and for now the seas are calmer. I think I just have to keep following my designated path, and learn to question the detours so much....a detour is meant to reroute you so that you can get around a problem area...at some point it brings you back to the road you were travelling on, just a different place on that road. Detours require lots of patience and faith. Sometimes these are qualities that are lacking, especially when the detour is in and through the darkness. I am still here...just at a different place on my path now.
So much of this life and this world is beyond my understanding. I am now taking a serious look at my spirituality and how I have to stop avoiding being present in my life. I am taking a serious look at my sexuality, and how I have to stand up to my broken parts and try to learn how to love. In all of this seriousness, the one main thing I have to conquer is learning to love myself and have faith in myself and be my own best friend. I will be working through this for a long time. It took a long time to accrue the damage, so I can't expect an easy fix. Again, I can come back to the most important factor...I am still here....and here is as good a place to start as any.