Tuesday, December 4, 2012

The State of Things...

I guess time has just gotten away from me.  Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to blogging.  I have been in an odd place...I am content, in the face of the impending winter, one of my sons leaving for the other coast, the anniversary of having to put my beautiful Promise down, the holidays in general, the anniversary of my suicide not too far away.  I am content.
I guess it goes to show that happiness, contentment, peace, and joy are all there inside of us, if we just figure out how to access them.  Now, the problem is that these wonderful emotions live right next door to anger, sadness, self-loathing, anxiety, depression, and fear.  They are all there, always.  What I am learning is that it is okay that all of these emotions have their own little cubbyhole inside of me.  They are the yin and yang of my life...they are the yin and yang of your life, of everyone's life.  Some are internal, personal; some are made to share.  It has taken me a while to realize this, and to realize that it is my choice, always; my choice on how I wish to approach events in my life.
DBT therapy has taught me that I can slow down and give myself time to decipher an event, an emotion, whether to respond or not, how to respond, etc.  It is something I highly recommend to any and everyone.
It has given me the tools to take control rather than let something or someone control me.  It has given me the advantage.  And this includes the advantage to know when to turn and walk away, because it is what is best for me.
So I have been deep into my life, my current life: sewing, mucking....and well, sewing and mucking.  Two activities that give me time to think, to ponder, and this is what I know today:  I am happy.  I am content.  I am okay and at peace with the state of my relationships.  Yes, I am a little sad, too.  I have lost a lot, paid my karmic dues.  I will carry that loss, that sadness, with me forever.  This is okay, too.  I have good memories to go along with the sadnesses.  I am able to keep things in perspective.
I realize that I am a miniscule dot on the landscape of this earth.  I have a warm, dry, safe and comfortable home.  I am not in any physical danger.  I have good food and clean water, indoor plumbing, furry friends to pamper.  I have a husband that has accepted the position as my friend.  I have two wonderful grown children; they believe that they can do anything if they put their energy into it - I taught them that!  I am so proud!  I have friends that truly love me, as I truly love them...I am content..
So, this is the state of things at the present.  I will not let so much time pass before I get back here again.  
Until then, much peace to you...

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