Epiphanies While Driving....

Yes, I can write while driving...on real paper...not the same as texting while driving.
Why would someone write while driving?  Well, I used to do it frequently when I was heavily into writing songs.  It seems that driving time is great for creative thinking.  Figuring out what you wrote while driving is another skill...much more difficult, I'm afraid.
But my little road trip to visit friends was full of epiphanies...some small and some not so small...all highly insightful for me.  I have always gotten a lot of peace from visiting my friends.  They live in a tiny house on top of a mountain and they enjoy following their ever-evolving interests.  There is evidence of this all around, from stained glass to gardening to shooting to music.  My friends have been very loving and supportive to me since my suicide....and I have always known that I am always welcome there for as long as I need or want to be there.
My first and most important epiphany this past weekend was that I used to go there knowing that I would be in a much happier state when I left to go back home than when I arrived.  This happiness wasn't 'coming upon me' and I realized that it was the first time in a long time that I arrived there already happy, so I didn't need a 'fill-up' of happiness.  With this feeling I also realized that it is time for me to be there for my friends, that they are struggling with certain things and that it is my turn to be there for them.  I made sure that they knew this while I was there, and reiterated it as I was leaving, too.  A wonderful turnaround for me...
I am coming to understand that I am finally a whole person.  I may not be a finished person, and probably never will, but I am whole.  This is a completely new condition for me.  I have never been a whole grown-up-for-me person EVER!  It is a little scary but so very exciting that I am not scared.  I embrace being grown or getting closer to it, at least.  And I damned sure embrace happiness.  REAL HAPPINESS!!!  The interesting thing...yet another light bulb moment....is that no one can take my real happiness away from me....it is mine!!  They may be able to mess with my day or I may get a flat tire or a headache, but my happiness, this deep-down from-my-soul light, it is mine to keep, to shine, to share....but not something that can be taken from me.
Even as I sit here typing this I feel the power that happiness has given me.  It is quiet, peaceful power.  It took living and dying and being broken and broke and stepping away from my old life to make my new life for me to feel this way.  It is the best gift....and I know that I can go on from here and carry my happiness along with me.  I can tell you that it outshines doubts and worries and lets me know that the universe really does have important things in store for me....I am getting prepared and this happy wholeness is a huge part of that preparation.  I would never have believed it if it hadn't happened....like many strange eventful things...while driving....
may love and peace continue to embrace you, too....