Cry in the Sun...Dance in the Rain....

I always have such a hard time starting off my posts.  There is always so much to say, so many events that have shaped my time and my choices.  I think I will TRY to post something every day this week, in order to cover all of the things I want to share....maybe more than a week...as I start to make a list, it seems I have alot to tell you, alot to say...which of course, goes along with the other side...alot to learn.
For now, I want to share with you something that I bought for myself yesterday...a little plaque with a little bird on it, and the quote, "anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain."  I honestly did not have an extra $15.00 for something I could go home and recreate with ease.  But I knew that it was something I was supposed to buy, to give myself, to open up this new can of worms that I must have the strength to deal with now, or it wouldn't have been put in my line of vision...gotta love the universe and its way of bringing you around to things that need attention.
Anyway....I saw this little plaque and had an immediate response...I wrote a song about dancing in the rain...one that I never performed because my husband and I just couldn't seem to agree on it musically and he thought it was too hard and dark and I just loved it....I wrote it quite a while ago...one of the first that I'd written, but it never got out of the practice room.  I vow to you, when I am ready to pick up my guitar again, it will be heard.
Here is my song, in its entirety, poem-style....its titled 'Before':
     You think you can make me
     Stand down, and give up my heart
     Your think you can break me,
     But I won't let you tear me apart
     You think that you know me,
     Like you could know all I hold dear
     You think you could show me,
     You act like I've never been here before....before....
          Before you, time went by, but the days weren't so long,
          And the nights weren't as dark; no one said I was wrong.
          Before you, I could laugh for no reason at all;
          I could dance in the rain, now, I just watch it fall.
     You think you control me,
     And that I should just do what you say
     You think you can hold me,
     But I'm gone, hell, I'm lost anyway.
     You think that you love me;
     To you love means you sleep in my bed.
     You think you're above me;
     Well I won't let you inside my head...no more....like before....
          Before you, time went by, but the days weren't so long,
          And the nights weren't as dark; no one said I was wrong.
          Before you, I could laugh for no reason at all;
          I could dance in the rain, now, I just watch it fall.....now, I just watch it fall.....watch it fall...

So, this song was written probably three or more years before I my suicide.
I can read it now and understand what I was saying, where the truth was held, how these words were a moment of clarity in my not quite real world.  Damn...
Amazing what a little plaque could bring back to me...give back to me....$15.00 well spent...
May peace surround you...fill you...shine through you....thank you...