That Smell....

I am in a rush, but wanted to share something.  Last evening my husband made himself some soup and a sandwich for dinner, and to me it had a strange and offensive smell.  I remembered to post this today because it is still lingering faintly in the house this morning.  It has been a good while since this has happened, but it happened frequently the first year after my suicide...there is a smell, sometimes a taste of a smell, that takes me back to the hospital, to the food, and how it all tasted wrong and bad and somehow 'disinfected' to me.  The smell has such a memory attached to it, it is a little shocking that here I am, my second birthday is drawing nearer, and there came that smell.  I couldn't figure out what about it was offensive until it dawned on me where I had smelled it before (the hospital).  I guess it will never leave me, and will be one of those triggers that makes me remember that I was there, that IT really happened, that out of so much that I will never remember, this fucking smell is going to be sticking with me, maybe forever.  Once I realized what was at the root of this encounter, I was okay.  I couldn't make the smell go away, but I knew why it bothered me so, and I could let it go (yes, progress comes in the strangest forms).
Now that I have shared this bizarre olfactory event, I must leave you...I have to go to the pharmacy and raise hell about my new fibromyalgia medicine, which my husband attempted to pick up yesterday and there was something wrong about some kind of authorization...I hope by the time I get there, they have gotten what they want or need and I can get my meds, unbelievably priced as they are, I want to see if they will help me, because I know the alternative is relying on opiates or steroids, neither of which will be a pleasant way to live.  Keep your fingers crossed for me....send me your mojo, if you have some extra to send....I have so little faith in the system; it has disappointed me too many times.  I do know that I have the right rheumatologist, though...I called them at 8 am and they called me back within an hour, and had already called the pharmacy, and I have a REAL PHONE NUMBER to call them back if there is trouble when I get to the pharmacy!!  So I am off....keep the peace....I'll be back!!